WHAT IS LOVE? Remembering the Buddhist notion of love on Valentine’s Day

“The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.” — Henry Miller

“People carry roses,

And make promises by the hour,

My love she laughs like the flowers,

Valentines can’t buy her.” — Bob Dylan

“May this bird’s melancholy, warbling lament,
spontaneously burst from the ‘spring’ of longing,
soar out of the dark, blinding forest of hopes and fears,
into the open space nest of our
‘evergreen’ heart….” –excerpt from ‘Lone Songbird’s Warbling Lament’ by Adele Tomlin

Today, in the western calendar of 14th February is St Valentine’s Day, a time normally dedicated to romantic love, which seems to have arisen in the 15th Century when notions of courtly love flourished, apparently by association with the “lovebirds” of early spring. Nonetheless, it is is now celebrated globally and has become more a time to remember love in general. The Greek Philosophers, such as Plato and Aristotle had many concepts about the different ways to love, including the famous platonic love, named after Plato, a love which is not romantic or sexual but based on friendship.

This kind of love is probably also closest to the Buddha’s teachings on love, encapsulated in the four immeasurables of immeasurable love, compassion, joy and equanimity. Love in Buddhism is not based on physical attraction, on ideas of self-centred pleasure, roses, chocolates, trips to Paris and proposals of marriage, although love can be present within those.

Love is wanting the other to be genuinely happy and free from suffering, regardless of whether they provide that for you or not, or whether you like them or not. It is a commitment to seeing the extraodinary Buddha Nature in everyone, and remembering despite what people and sentient beings say or do, at root they all want to be happy, loved and free from suffering.

Genuine love and compassion for all beings are also an essential quality of a qualified Buddhist teacher, as Je Tāranātha, and many other Buddhist masters have taught.

In one video (listed below) I give a brief verbal introduction to the Buddhist view of love, attachment, and equanimity; the difference between loving non-attachment and cold detachment, and why genuine love and compassion naturally increase when there is non-attachment, but decrease when there is detachment.

I also discussed love from the Buddhist perspective in “Everyone Wants to Be Loved” a feature article for Tricycle Buddhist Review (14th February 2023), as well as in an interview for the Love and Liberation podcast (2022), in which love, bliss, sex, celibacy and relationships are discussed from a Buddhist and Vajrayana perspective. Thus, as my own offering of love, may you enjoy and gain meaningful nourishment from this selection of poems, videos, music, articles (see list below).

Music? What is Love? by Howard Jones, Where is the Love? by Black-Eyed Peas, Love is Stronger than Pride by Sade, Love’s in Need of Love Today by Stevie Wonder, and Love Minus Zero by Bob Dylan.

Written with love and a red rose from the heart, Adele Tomlin 14th February 2025.