“Most people don’t grow up, because it is so difficult. Most people age and get older. They find parking spaces, honour their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity.” –Maya Angelou
“Being mature does not mean lacking joyful child-like innocence, laughter, and delight (Buddha Nature qualities) it means not being easily influenced, misled, seduced by physical objects and appearances, accountable, honest, transparent and acknowledging mistakes and faults.”
In this new video clip reel, I speak briefly about the importance of spiritual maturity and growing up on the inner level. As we all know, immature people can be very dangerous and destructive on the worldly level, particularly if they have a lot of political or religious power, and/or material wealth. However, on the spiritual level following immature and worldly teachers and/or communities even more destructive and lead one into ways of thinking, acting and speaking that only cause more suffering to oneself and others.
Also, maturing and growing up, is a central concept of Buddhist teachings. In Tibetan the word used is minpa, which means to ripen or mature.
What is maturity?
Generally speaking, maturity is not about age or how we look, it is about how we think, act and speak. For example, are we honest, compassionate, loving, take accountability and blame for our actions if we are in the wrong? Do we accept our faults and try and change them?Or do we always blame others for what happens?
Are we interested in growing and improving and learning new skills, mindsets and ways of being and living? Or are we stuck in a conservative mindset of “our culture”, “our ways”, “our thinking” etc.? Are we averse to change of differing cultures and viewpoints? Do we have a false or excessive pride in our race or nationality or culture?
In the Buddhist context, do we have wisdom? Do we act from a place of the heart and from some understanding of the root of suffering, emptiness and Buddha Nature?
Being mature does not mean lacking joyful child-like innocence, laughter, lightness and delight, Buddha Nature qualities, it means not being easily influenced, misled, seduced by physical objects and appearances etc. (see below).
What is immaturity?
Immaturity is the opposite of that and is kind of like a self-entitled “spoilt brat” mantality that they never do any wrong, never own up to their mistakes, or try and cover them up or blame others. Who avoids any kind of challenge to their way of doing things, or who has a tantrum if they do not get their way, or someone criticises them? Do they attack and bully those who criticise them or disagree even? Like schoolyard thuggish bullies?
Chasing after superficial things such as the latest expensive phones, gadgets, clothes, jewellry, obsessively vain about their physical appearance and/or body, working out all the time, and posting lots of videos and photos on social media of their bodies and possessions, like houses, cars etc. to get admiration and likes and popularity. If they are men, do they constantly chase after women, never forming loving, solid, intimate and stable relationships with any of them, treating them like material objects to use and show off. Do they need constant validation from others, from women and attention on social media? These are all examples of immature, childish and most importantly, conduct and attitudes that cause oneself suffering and others too.
In the Buddhist context, maturity is also having the wisdom to be able to understand how our actions and who we spend time with, might easily be misunderstood by others and having some humility and care in ensuring that we do not intentionally offend and upset people, when it can be avoided. For example, as the 17th Karmapa stated recently, eating meat as a Buddhist (especially a monastic) can really give the general public a bad (and false) impression of Buddhists.
The dangers of following immature spiritual leaders and communities
So one should not underestimate the damage that being in a community that follows and immature leader or teacher. These habits and ways of thinking have a real tendency to brush off onto us. Like a rotten apple in a basket, the whole lot will end up being destroyed.
We have all seen monasteries where monks and nuns have iphones, when even ordinary working laypeople cannot afford them, or do not want to waste money on them, and who spend many hours a day posting photos on FB for likes and attention.
While attracting people to Dharma is one thing, it is important that we all remember that Dharma practice, study, inner qualities and realisations, abandoning worldly desire, habits and attachment are what are crucial as practitioners and in teachers. If monastics are acting and speaking no differently from ordinary, worldly laypeople that is something to feel sad about.
On the other hand, spiritual materialism, showing off photos on social media with a damaru and drum, or in monastic type robes, speaking about how many hours sadhana per day we recite, or how many years in retreat we have spent, are also examples of immaturity and focusing again on external appearances and admiration more than cultivating the inner realisations of not needing such kinds of validation or praise for one’s “spiritual practice” or “accomplishments”, and on reducing negative mindstates like jealousy and competitiveness, and generating stable love, compassion, patience and realisation of emptiness.
Music? He’s Mistra Know It All by Stevie Wonder.
Dear Adele,
This is an amazing synchronicity to be reading this very important article about spiritual maturity.
At this stage in my life, the desire to attain worldly possessions has greatly diminished and fallen away as one comes into the realization that all is perishable and that nothing is permanent- obviously this includes the physical form in motion and in stillness.
Even my own genetic, carbon, DNA body wetsuit, is requiring less and less physical substance in regards to food and other day-to-day ingestions.
The Modern day gadgets do have there uses, particularly email, desktop publishing and databases, but my saying is: ‘Use it but do not abuse it.’ Social media at a certain viewpoint has become, to large and greater extent, an emotional and mental poison, therefore another prison. Another reason why my interest in that distraction of many persuasions has lost out to my sovereign power.
Thank you for posting a very insightful article.
Best wishes,
David.
Dear David, Thank you for your encouraging comment, and sharing your own experience! Yes maturity as a spiritual practitioner, first must involve some weariness of materialism and hedonism and samsara. It is one of the common preliminaries in fact, and essential in terms of building a soild foundation of practice for the other levels of practice. All good wishes in the Dharma, Adele.