“Discard fame and reputation like snot from the nose!”–Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
“Just because someone holds a position of power or title, it does not mean that you should lose your freedom of choice, or that they can violate your personal integrity….Anyone who behaves improperly does not have my support for their misbehaviour.” –7th Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche (May 2024 letter)
On the 8th January 2025, a sad and bizarre letter, written by “Shechen Monastery” (not a named individual) was published on social media, effectively, and unceremoniously (and disrespectfully in my view), relieving (i.e. sacking) Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche’s young incarnate teacher, Ogyen Tenzin Jigme Lhundrup from his teaching duties and connection to his predecessor’s Shechen Monastery in Nepal, “until further notice”. However, as one online observer stated:
“The letter simply states that Rinpoche is no longer affiliated with Shechen Monastery. However, Rinpoche remains Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi, regardless of any association with Shechen. It’s truly baffling how people tend to misunderstand such a straightforward matter.”
Indeed. As an ‘accompanying’ corroboratory evidence, a supposedly ‘leaked’ video/audio was also shared anonymously on social media and Youtube alleged to be of Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche crying and speaking verbally about his sadness regarding the young Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi’s conduct towards women (accusations of sexual harassment and inappropriate conduct, and even rape, by several women according to online reports that have not been confirmed with the women themselves, and who have not identified themselves publicly).
Prior to that, I was also sent a video of the young Dilgo Khyentse yangsi smoking a cigarette and talking openly about eating meat (both of which are not fake), which clearly contravene Buddhist teachings and the five main precepts. At that time, I wondered if the young tulku was deliberately trying to provoke and expose the unauthenticity and fake hypocrisy of the senior monks and lamas around him, or was he mentally unstable due to their influence, or both?
The young Dilgo Khyentse tulku has (so far) not made any public statement about the letter and actions of Rabjam Rinpoche and Shechen Monastery, but I (and many others) would certainly be interested in his ‘side’, and offer him publicly here the opportunity to speak about it in a written interview, or in a podcast.
As a writer, and survivor of sexual misconduct and abuse by a Bhutanese Karma Kagyu teacher, Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche (and publicly shared my first-hand testimony in 2020), as well as someone who has a Vajrayana connection to Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche and who has visited and stayed at Shechen Monastery guesthouse several times, some people sent me this information and asked my opinion about it. At first, I felt deeply frustrated and saddened by the situation, and it brought up memories of my own traumatic and challenging experiences, but I decided it was wiser not to comment. However, after seeing this ‘official’ letter last week from Shechen monastery declaring him ‘sacked’, I decided to write this analysis and opinion article here. It is also a way for me to organise my own thoughts on the situation, so that it may help others decide how to proceed in relation to it.
This essay aims to present a fair, balanced and informative perspective, without taking sides, based not only on the publicly available information and ‘undisputed facts’, but also on my own knowledge and experience as an abuse survivor and of the teachers involved. I consider several main topics regarding the allegations, the inconsistencies, hypocrisy and other possible reasons for such a ‘sacking’ letter. Apologies for the length, but I thought it necessary to ensure all perspectives are covered.
This is followed by more general observations/ideas about the corruption of young men in male and monastic dominated Buddhist patriarchal systems (including the recent case of the 2nd Kalu Rinpoche, who is not only a survivor of abuse, but is also accused of maltreatment and misogyny towards women such as his ex-wife and daughter), and also that of the Catholic Church, and their cover-ups of child abuse. Concluding that the sexual repression of men (forcing them to be celibate from a young age, and/or having distorted views of women and sex due to porn addiction), combined with toxic masculine sexuality and patriarchal power is leading not only to the complete degeneration of religions globally, but to the general well-being of society, family, women and children.
One European long-time follower of the former and current Dilgo Khyentse defended him online saying that she would wait for the 14th Dalai Lama to give his opinion about it. This is also bizarre because Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche is a Nyingma and Dzogchen lineage holder who was based in Bhutan for many years (Bhutan has for centuries banned the Gelugpas and Dalai Lamas from their country, due to Gelugpa sectarianism against the Drugpa Kagyu). Such comments yet again reveal the ongoing (and misguided) Gelugpa sectarianism, which incorrectly thinks the Dalai Lama still has to approve and adjudicate on matters relating to the other lineages.
What is required in all these cases is not more patriarchal control and decisions from within the tulku tradition, but compassionately objective, and independent investigations of the evidence and testimonies of both the accused and accusers (as happened with Rigpa and Sogyal). Teachers or followers heavily invested in the religious tradition itself cannot (and should not) make such judgements at all. That would be like asking Catholic Church priests to investigate and pass judgement on accused paedophile priests, who are often their friends/colleagues etc.
Overall, I feel a deep sadness, disappointment, frustration and compassion for all concerned, the teachers, the young men corrupted and abused by the senior teachers around them, and of course the survivors of any unwarranted and unjustified traumatising sexual, emotional and physical abuse and deceptions. I sincerely wish them all healing, growth, health, happiness, love and protection from harm. Although I have never met and have no connection with the current Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi, I also feel a deep sadness and concern for a young man who seems to have been led in the wrong direction and path by the older/senior men (and women) around him (including buying him a prostitute for his 16th birthday!). However, as a survivor myself, my sympathies first and foremost are with the devoted Buddhist women who have had their faith, spirit and interest in Buddhism burnt and broken by ‘religious’ men who see and treat women (and children) as sexual objects for their gratification and ‘practice’.
Buddhist teachers (especially monastics) have a greater responsibility than students to act in ethically appropriate ways and should be leading the way upwards to full awakening, not downwards to the lower realms and more samsaric suffering. I feel the trauma and pain of those who feel betrayed and let down by the very teachers and communities who were supposed to provide a loving and compassionate refuge, yet instead found nothing but lies, misogyny, hypocrisy, bullying, intimidation, vindictive punishment and slander. However, where is the love, compassion, support and accountability for the Dilgo Khyentse yangsi’s conduct by the people who raised and were closest to him?
Personally, there have been many times I too have felt like completely cutting off all contact with such ‘religious men’, however, the pure Buddha Dharma is something I still cherish dearly as a lifeline and refuge, as is my devotion and connection to the root guru and yidam deity. In the same way, may this article be of benefit in helping us make sense of this situation, and progress on the path with love and compassion in our hearts, and to full awakening so that we may meet fully qualified gurus, and be genuinely qualified students with genuine love, compassion and respect for all beings, including women, children and animals in hearts, minds, speech and actions.
Music? The ‘mixed feelings’ of Too Much Too Little Too Late by Jonny Mathis and Deniece Williams, Enough is Enough by Donna Summer and Barbara Streisand, We Can Work it Out by the Beatles, and Fix You by Coldplay.
Written and compiled by Adele Tomlin, 18th January 2025.
THE CASE OF THE ‘SACKING’ OF DILGO KHYENTSE YANGSI FROM SHECHEN MONASTERY
1) The first letter about Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi from Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche (May 2024)
In May 2024, prior to the official Shechen letter, the 7th Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche (SRR) (grandson of the former Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche) published an open public letter (see below here) in which he wrote cryptically referring to Dilgo Khyentse yangsi (without naming him) advising people not to follow or allow anything out of mere devotion to someone, if it is not ‘truthful’ and that just because someone has a big title does not give them the right to interfere with your freedom of choice or “violate your personal integrity”.
Much as I support the general ideas contained in this letter, there are inconsistencies in the actions of Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche and his words, particularly when it comes violating the personal integrity and choices of women who feel abused and harmed by Buddhist teachers. As I discovered when I personally reported Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche’s sexually abusive, dishonest and bullying actions towards myself and other women in 2020, as well as concerns about his mental health and his threats of suicide. Rabjam Rinpoche was informed in person about these unresolved issues by me at the Siliguri empowerments in 2020, but then the following year, he publicised his meeting with Sangye Nyenpa with grand ceremony and praise online. That is not consistent with what he writes in this letter (see more on the Sangye Nyenpa issue below).
As for the leaked audio of Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche recorded speaking about DKY’s misconduct, I initially ignored it as it seemed manipulative and possibly fake. Some online observers immediately asserted that it was a ‘Chinese’ manipulation, but that is often a wrong, and racist thing to say.
However, after seeing the official Shechen Monastery letter (see below) , I realised that the audio seemed to be part of a concerted PR/media campaign by the Shechen administrators to de-throne DKY without Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche directly saying the reasons why.
2) The official letter from Shechen Monastery (January 2025)
The official letter from Shechen Monastery is here below:
One can only wonder how ‘bad’ it got for Shechen Monastery management (whoever they are, as it does not name an individual author) to issue such a letter online. But also, surely one has to ask was it necessary, or even beneficial, for anyone to use such a humiliating and one-sided method of communicating that ‘news’ to everyone?
It reminded me a bit of the Benchen Monastery official letter (February 2020) I received unceremoniously banning me from ever visiting their centres again, six months after I first raised a private complaint about Sangye Nyenpa’s conduct towards myself and other women. Is that really the Buddha’s way of mature, compassionate, kind, forgiving and reconciling communication with those who feel harmed and aggrieved by a person’s actions?
UPDATE: Shechen Croatia: Supporting message from forty followers
A Facebook post on 24th January, by a woman connected to Shechen Croatia offered a message of support to Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi, who had visited them last year. Their message signed by 40 other followers from Croatia, stated that Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche’s letter asking them not to support or host Dilgo Khyentse for future events, due to his “concerns regarding Rinpoche’s misconducts, misinterpretations and, when it comes to Croatia – negative outcomes of his visits – left us feeling bewildered and disheartened.” And that despite his unconventional conduct during his visit, they felt he left a positive impact.”
3) Setting a huge precedent: a monastery taking serious action against sexual misconduct and rape allegations? And an American woman’s first hand verbal testimony of relations with Dilgo Kyentse yangsi
In the ‘leaked’ audio said to be of Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche, he speaks about the shame of the rape and sexual misconduct allegations about DKY.
As a prominent survivor of sexual misconduct and abuse of Tibetan Buddhist Rinpoches, I had already been informed of similar allegations about Dilgo Khyentse yangsi (DKY) several years ago, in 2020, by a young American woman studying at Naropa University, who told me she became close friends with the young tulku when she was doing research in Bhutan. I got to know her after she approached me online to ask me about my own case with the Bhutanese Karma Kagyu teacher, Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche and spoke to her verbally and can confirm she is a real person, not impersonating someone. She seemed lucid and genuine, and was even defending the fact that (like Sangye Nyenpa) DKY had not only interacted with her online asking for nude/sexy photos of herself, but had also sent her photos of his genitalia, and had sent them to other women. She also informed me that the reason the young tulku had not come back to Nepal for a while, was because some women had accused him of more ‘forceful’ conduct such as rape.
Initially she had been sympathetic to me, but we ended up having a ‘fallout’ and stopped contact. She was defending DKY’s conduct and online sexy messaging, because he was not a monk, which I agreed with her made it less serious than Sangye Nyenpa, who was still presenting himself as a celibate monk. However, I still felt that there was something not quite right (and not in accordance) with the Buddha’s teachings on reducing lust, desire and sexual attachment as a cause of suffering, with such ‘hidden’ worldly messaging. photos and seduction of women who attended their Dharma teachings, without it seems any real love, compassion or public relationship/commitment. It did not seem to have any connection with bringing women to a fully awakened state.
In fact, many women, including myself, have felt harmed and traumatised by these relations and their significant aftermath if one exposes them, enough even to put them off Buddhism and the monastic community for the rest of their lives. However, I certainly think there is truth to what she told me about DKY and see no reason for her to lie about it, after all, she was defending his actions to me.
So, on the one hand, it was refreshing to see that a monastery (and it seems Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche) are for the first time, actively disassociating themselves from a lama who has been accused of serial and serious sexual misconduct. This is in stark contrast to my own case as a survivor of Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche, where the monastic community and family relative enablers of the teacher, responded and retaliated with a massive gang-up bullying of me (and those close to me), via intimidation, impersonation, slander and use of rituals to silence and dis-empower me (read here).
4) Or a manipulative, one-sided narrative without self-reflective questions regarding their own role and accountability in the ‘negative’ actions/influences on the young Dilgo Khyentse tulku
On the other hand, my first intuitive impression of the official letter from Shechen monastery, and the ‘leaked audio’ was that I (and others) were being actively manipulated by some powerful people in the community to accept a one-sided narrative, against a less powerful and younger individual. I had mixed feelings and felt a lot of sympathy for any survivors, but also for the young DKY at being so publicly ‘sacked’ and humiliated by the very people who are supposed to help and support him. Such conduct by young men (if true) does not suddenly appear in a vacuum without prior influences, causes and conditions. Thus, the lack of self-reflection and any accountability in the letter, and of those at Shechen doing the sacking is noticeable indeed.
For example, the American woman also informed me that on DKY’s 16th birthday his family/relatives had ‘bought him a prostitute’. I remember feeling shocked and saddened on hearing this because (if true) this is unethical, depraved and corrupt not only as a way to view women (as sexual pieces of meat) to be consumed like an object for money, but also not a healthy (or Buddhist) model for sexuality, love and respect for women to show a young man of that age. And then people wonder why he might have gone onto more sexually depraved and wrong conduct as a young man? How can anyone expect a young tulku to behave correctly when the older, senior men and lamas around him are buying prostitutes and treating women like sexual objects?
5) Virtue-signalling hypocrisy and double standards? Commemoration and praise of serial abuser, Sogyal Rinpoche
Although it sets an interesting precedent for monasteries sacking tulkus who misbehave, the actions taken by Shechen Monastery and Rabjam Rinpoche also seem disingenuous and inconsistent. Why? Because if they were genuinely concerned about the sexual abuse of women (and not just with their self-image and reputations), they would also not associate with and praise other well-known abusive teachers, such as Sogyal Rinpoche.
For example, Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche and his monastic community, never disassociated themselves from the actions of abusive male teachers such as Sogyal Rinpoche, even though an independent investigation and report (authorised and accepted by the Rigpa organisation founded by Sogyal Rinpoche) found him guilty of serial emotional and physical abuse of students, whose violent outbursts include punching a nun in public and using his teachings to shame and blame the recipients of his ‘attacks’.
So if Shechen community were genuinely concerned about such treatment of women, they would have also quickly wanted to distance themselves from Sogyal Rinpoche too. Yet, they did the opposite of that, even commemorating and celebrating Sogyal after he passed away, saying “We feel sorry for this great loss” without mentioning the investigation report or survivors. Doing so brought heavy public criticism of Schechen Rabjam, and the Dilgo Khyentse yangsi from Sogyal’s survivors, and those supporters of survivors who had read the report.
6) Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche’s public meeting and show of support for fellow Bhutanese teacher, Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche after being informed of various sexual abuse allegations
Moreover, during a two week empowerment in Siliguri early 2020 before the COVID lockdown commenced, I informed Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche about the 10th Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche’s sexually abusive, dishonest and bullying conduct towards me over the course of one year between 2018-19 (as well as the similar allegations about him by other women) and his disturbing mental health conduct when he told me in messages that he was suicidal and had constant nightmares (whenever I challenged him on his conduct).
Yet, Rabjam Rinpoche still then met (with grand ceremony and announcement published on his FB page) Sangye Nyenpa in 2021. Although on the one hand, this is understandable as they both share a close connection as students of the former Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. On the other hand, it shows a complete disregard for the unresolved abuse allegations and women’s traumatic experiences with Sangye Nyenpa [2].
If Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche happily and wilfully ignores the testimonies of women such as myself ( a vajra disciple), why does he share such public concern regarding the abuse allegations about the young Dilgo Khyentse tulku? This inconsistency suggests their public concern is for other reasons, such as power and control of Shechen Monastery and of the young tulku himself (see below).
7) Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche’s wife and son, kept secret from the public for ten years
Some of the online comments about the public ‘sacking’ of Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi, also referred to the virtue-signalling hypocrisy of it in relation to Schechen Rabjam Rinpoche hiding his wife and young son for ten years, while still wearing the clothes and appearance of a monk.
During my attendance at the Rabjam Rinpoche’s January 2020 transmission and empowerments in Siliguri of Jamyang Khyentse Wangpo’s Collected Works (see my article here), I was also under the impression he was a celibate monk, and was shocked (like many others) when the second week in, his wife/khandro and young ten year old son suddenly appeared with him on the podium stage (with name plaques), declaring to the world who they were for the first time. Why the secrecy about them for so long?
Afterwards, many photos of Rabjam Rinpoche’s wife/mother of his son were shared by Shechen monastery and RR on their FB pages. However, when I did a Google search on them, I strangely could not find one photo or reference to his wife and son.
8) Power and control over Shechen Monastery, Nepal?
As a result of these inconsistencies (and hypocrisy) in relation to sexual misconduct of well-known teachers, some online observers remarked that the public sacking of DKY is simply a strategic political ploy by Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche to maintain power and control over Shechen monastery and then to hand over that power and money to his young son. According to the Shechen Monastery website, the monastery is one of:
“the six main Nyingma monasteries of Tibet, that was destroyed in the late 1950’s. In exile, Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche transplanted the rich tradition of the original Shechen Monastery to a new home — a magnificent monastery near the great Stupa of Bodhnath, Nepal….In 1980, Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche began building Shechen Tennyi Dargyeling Monastery in the Kathmandu Valley. For almost ten years, master craftsmen, stonemasons, sculptors, painters, goldsmiths, and master tailors worked to make the monastery one of the most beautiful examples of Tibetan art.”
I have visited the monastery several times, and it is indeed a lovely place to visit and stay at with a peaceful guesthouse and cafe in pretty gardens next to the monastery. So, for various reasons, it seems more likely that the decision to part ways with DKY was taken for control of the monastery and its significant financial value and property, as well as to maintain their public ‘reputation’ in the eyes of major Buddhist sponsors rather than anything to do with genuine concerns of sexual and abusive misconduct.
9) Undermining of the official 17th Karmapa for political reasons?
Another observation I will put out there for discussion, is how many of the 17th Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje’s detractors/critics were quick to defend DKY against such allegations privately, and yet quick to believe similar allegations about the 17th Karmapa and criticise him for it. Perhaps that double standards was due to the misleading politics of the these Buddhist teachers who are based in Bhutan mainly, who actively supported the unofficial claimant to the Karmapa title, Thaye Dorje (due to the 14th Zhamarpa’s personal assistant’s wife being a Bhutanese Royal Princess)?
10) Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse ‘negative’ influence and connection?
As a final observation to consider, it was interesting to see that on the 1st January 2025, Shechen monastery published on FB that Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, another Bhutanese lama, (with serious allegations against his own sexual conduct and personal degenerate proclivities) visited Schechen Monastery and performed the sacred practice of Jampal Marseng at the memorial stupa of the former Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.
I wrote about the shoddy treatment of myself as a survivor of abuse, by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche and the Khyentse Foundation in relation to a sudden removal of the Ashoka Grant funding based on an unverified single email from Sangye Nyenpa’s Benchen community.
Dzongsar Khyentse has also been mentioned by Jane Huang (one of the women who has accused the 17th Karmapa of sexual misconduct) as deliberately ‘pimping her’ and other women out to him and other lamas, as well as conducting rituals in and around these places when certain events and situations happened. So such coincidental timing of Dzongsar’s visit to Shechen means it is also possible that he may also be involved in the corruption and de-throning of the young Dilgo Khyentse too.
11) General observations about ‘toxic’ male religious patriarchies and its corruption of boys and males, the Kalu Rinpoche lineage, and the ‘influence’ of the 14th Dalai Lama?
Moving away from the ‘small-minded’ talk about people/specifics, I end this short article on a more general observation of how this development in relation to DKY yet again shows how young monastic/Buddhist boys and men are being corrupted by older, senior Buddhist teachers. I have written before how Buddhist monasteries are not safe places for children and can easily corrupt and abuse them.
I have also written about the allegations against the 17th Karmapa [and the Canadian court case for child and spousal support by Vikki Han] and how if true, it also shows that the young 17th Karmapa was not given appropriate or correct guidance and advice by those senior teachers and people around him as to ethical and beneficial ways to view and act around women.
Then there is the ‘influence’ of the 14th Dalai Lama and Gelugpa sectarian power. Millions of Indians and people globally were outraged by the 14th Dalai Lama’s actions with a young Indian boy, persistently requesting him for oral contact (after the boy had asked for an innocent hug) three times, even though the boy physically pulled away and said no, three times. Tibetan (or Dob-Dob) cultural norm or not (and being a cultural norm does not make something correct or ethical in itself), the question is a cultural norm for who and why? Who is benefiting and getting the most “fun” from such a norm? The boy was Indian not Tibetan anyway.
It is therefore, no coincidence either, that the main photo on the young Dilgo Khyentse tulku’s FB page is not that of Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche the former, nor that of Shechen Rabjam Rinpoche, but of the 14th Dalai Lama.
Another Bhutanese tulku and abuse allegations, the 2nd Kalu Rinpoche
In that way, the case of DKY bears some similarities to that of another Bhutanese tulku teacher, 2nd Kalu Rinpoche, who publicly spoke out about his continual rapes and sexual abuse as a young teenage monk while in a monastery by other older monks in 2012.
However, Mingyur Paldron, the sister of Dilgo Khyentse Yangsi, was also publicly humiliated and dumped by the 2nd Kalu Rinpoche only a few years after marrying him and having borne a daughter together, when he left her for a Chinese woman whom Kalu called his “number one online fan” on his FB page. I was reliably informed by a close friend of Mingyur that he actively chose not to meet or have any contact with his daughter at all after he re-married in 2017.
If this is true, then it needs to be explained to potential students, as it is important that a Buddhist teacher practices what they preach, and their private life and conduct matches the Dharma of their public lectures/teachings. For example, Kalu Rinpoche has been heavily criticised privately for his maltreatment of his ex-wife Mingyur Paldron and their daughter. Why did he divorce her after only a few years of marriage? Is it true that he has had zero contact with his daughter since that time, if so why? How is that consistent with respect for females, never mind love and compassion for all beings?”
Kalu Rinpoche also seems to have completely broken and abandoned his samaya with his Shangpa Kagyu lineage teachers in the Karma Kagyu (12th Gyaltsab Rinpoche and Tai Situ Rinpoche), and does not attend their teachings or events as he used to, nor does he commemorate their birthdays etc. He only ever praises and shows public devotion to the 14th Dalai Lama on his personal social media accounts, on which he posts very frequently.
And let us not forget the emotional and sad abdication of his public role and monkhood by the 4th Jamgon Kongtrul Rinpoche, an important Karma Kagyu tulku, announced on his Facebook page in August 1st 2016.
So why does the 14th Dalai Lama, a Gelugpa lineage teacher, known for its sexually abusive Dob-Dob culture and attacks on boys and monks, hold so much power and sway over these young male tulkus from other lineages? Is it possible that these young men have also been targeted by the Gelugpas with their propitiation of worldly ‘malevolent’ deities to maintain their power and dominance of Tibetan Buddhism and the Gelugpa tradition? Truth is often stranger than fiction.
Other sexually repressed/dysfunctional religious patriarchies: the Catholic Church
Of course, this kind of corruption and abuse of young men is not particular to Tibetan and Vajrayana Buddhism either, but to all religious patriarchies, such as the Catholic Church, renowned for its enabling and cover-up of serious paedophile and sexual abuse activity by senior priests. In 2018, in a new letter released by the Vatican, the pope said the Church has failed to properly deal with its “crimes” against children, and decades of such sexual abuse must no longer be “covered up and perpetuated.” I have yet to see any letter regarding such abuse in Tibetan Buddhist monasteries from senior male teachers, such as the 14th Dalai Lama.
As I spoke about at regarding the female and yogic layperson origins of Vajrayana at the Bhutan 2023 Vajrayana conference, and wrote in Where Were the Women at the Global Buddhist Summit? in Delhi last year, the all-male panels, conference speakers and male monastic takeover of Highest Yoga Tantra has not led to excellent or beneficial results for those men, their cultures and traditions generally, as we can all see and hear (if we choose to).
Abuse by religious ‘teachers’ issue is an institutional one in which men traditionally hold all the positions of power and influence and the Tibetan Buddhist tulku system is no different. All-male institutions of sexually repressed, and/or celibate men (who have not become celibate willingly, or for the right reasons) are bound to lead to warped and distorted views of sexuality, and women and children are most vulnerable for predatory attacks and manipulation by such men. In particular, we live in a culture where online porn and the sexual objectifcation of women’s (and children’s) bodies has reached and all-time high, and girls report much sexual harassment in school by teenage boys because of it. It is hardly surprising that young male monastics put into monasteries as children, may feel tempted and sexually frustrated to act out their fantasies online as it has less accountability and they can convince themselves they are not actually ‘harming’ women or themselves?
In the 21st Century, as women’s rights and visibility has improved, there are more public cases of women speaking out against the humilation, lies, hypocrisy and abuse they have suffered at the hands of male Buddhist teachers. This is just the ‘tip of the iceberg’ no doubt, and as we all know, the more one sweeps rubbish under the carpet, the smellier and uglier it all becomes when it is finally exposed to the public air and light. As the Americans say: ‘it sucks’ or ‘stinks’! Yet, as the former Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche advised us, “Discard fame and reputation like snot from the nose!” Either way, it is not ‘looking or feeling good’ for anyone, least of all for Tibetan and Himalayan Buddhism, for the flourishing of the Buddha Dharma and for the infinite beings suffering in samsara, all of which are far more important than damaged reputations, social media PR and monastery sponsors.
Endnotes
[1] In terms of public allegations of sexual abuse, dishonesty, humiliation of women, cover-ups etc. against Tibetan Buddhist tulku lamas, there is a whole list of them , including that of my own root guru, 17th Gyalwang Karmapa.
[2] One of Sangye Nyenpa Rinpoche’s main teachers was Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. SN personally told me that he had been told by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche to enter into along, isolated retreat when he was 60 years old. Yet he is currently giving a three month reading transmission in Nepal and seems to have ignored that advice.
Sources
http://www.tibettelegraph.com/2013/06/what-lies-beneath-robes-are-buddhist.html
https://www.rigpa.org/independent-investigation-report
https://sogyalrinpoche.org/paying-homage-blog/lc3dars5vcm1yfmoxaz3qjg582swtj
https://teahouse.buddhistdoor.net/his-holiness-the-14th-dalai-lama-no-one-is-sucking-anyones-tongue/
https://thediplomat.com/2023/04/where-were-the-women-at-the-global-buddhist-summit/
Excellent article, very well-researched and documented. I approach these issues from a slightly different perspective and can testify to the confusion and even anguish that reports of Dab-Dob discipline engender among gay men like myself.
My lama has been here for decades. From his dismissive rebuttal to a now long-term gay student in the 1980s that, “In my country people like you are lower than snakes,” through forbidding same-sex cohabitation in my Dharma Center’s incorporation documents in the 90s (“to avoid misunderstanding among world religions”), to the grudging toleration of gay people he evinces today, my lama has showed evidence of a markedly homophobic upbringing. I have even wondered if the apocryphal story told by his students of his running from the old Rumtek monastery at the age of 5 is a partially-veiled description of sexual assault/discipline.
At the same time, I am deeply grateful for his years of instruction. It’s difficult to hold both of these positions in mind.
Thank you for your comments and sharing your experience. Yes the dob-dob culture of raping and kidnapping boys and monks is horrific and criminal and became a cultural norm in Gelugpa-Mongolian run Tibet.
Homophobia is of course a different issue but as you say possibly connected to (and caused by) prior abuse of children by men in monasteries as well. Children should never be placed in all-male celibate institutions like monasteries (or even nunneries) without adequate safeguarding and female presence, and which could lead to distorted sexuality and same sex relations with people who are not gay by choice or preference. However, homophobia itself is a different issue. Please read this article on the lack of adequate safeguards for children in monasteries: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/06/what-lies-beneath-the-robes-are-buddhist-monasteries-suitable-places-for-children-adele-wilde-blavatsky/
https://thediplomat.com/2023/05/how-a-ccp-propaganda-campaign-targeted-the-dalai-lama/
But what actually happened? It turns out that in Tibet, it is customary to feed one’s children by mouth – a custom that apparently survives, not least in the Dalai Lama’s old home district, Amdo. From this background comes the standing joke that elderly Tibetans resort to, when they have run out of treats or sweets to give their grandchild: They’ll stick out their tongue, and say to the child, “You may eat my tongue, for I have nothing else left.” That the Dalai Lama said “suck” instead of “eat” was perhaps because he was thinking of candy, not food – the original Tibetan wording is che le sa, literally “eat my tongue.”
Yes, but the boy was Indian, not Tibetan so why should he feel pressured to engage in oral contact with a man in his 80s, when he only requested an innocent and friendly hug? Also, why all the focus on Dalai Lama and Tibetan culture? The boy resisted the pressure to have oral contact in front of hundreds of people and a VIP religious person, THREE TIMES right up until the end. That takes a LOT of courage and also means he definitely did NOT want it. Why cannot you and others respect the rights of the child to say NO and have that respected and not mocked? People were laughing as though it was fun, the boy did not find it fun at all that is obvious. We are not idiots, even if the boy and his parents made a statement afterwards saying they did not mind, it does not matter. The point is the boy should never have had to resist the pressure three times to do it. His first NO should have been enough.
You seem very focused on what the DL/Tibetans think is OK etc. I can tell you as someone who has lived in a Tibetan community in exile for many years that I have NEVER seen a male adult ask a child they are not related to or know to kiss their mouth or eat/suck their tongue, ever. I can also tell you that most parents and children would not like it if they did. Are you giving a green light for any adult man to pressure a child to have oral contact? It was also a cultural norm in India to burn widows etc. and globally not to give women the vote etc. Cultural norms often need to change as they are contrary to contemporary and progressive views of the rights of women and children to bodily autonomy.
The Dalai Lama apologised in any case but it was a half-hearted one, they excused it as fun, but fun for who? Clearly the boy did NOT want it. Blaming the Indian and global reaction on a Chinese CCP campaign is also racist and wrong. I was not subject the propaganda when I first saw it, and I know thousands of others were not either. I am not that easily manipulated and can make my own mind up by watching the video itself, which I did twice. In fact, it is a Gelugpa sectarian ploy in Tibet and in exile to blame the Chinese for everything, because they cannot see their faults in themselves. The video was real, the Dalai Lama did and said what he did and he apologised for it. Indians and others were outraged then, and with good reasons. Stop blaming the Chinese for everything, it is not helping Tibetans in exile or Tibet at all, and will continue to fail to do so.
If there is no realised Lama on earth, even not the DL and even we are in the Kali Yuga so that could means that the path brings no fruits, no results. The all things makes no sense.
(I don’t have any doubt about the DL. I saw the video many times. It may be ridiculous to blame the Chinese but it is ridiculous to think that a person would abuse a child publicly and n front of cameras. In the end it shows something more about us then about the DL).
The DL is not the only Buddhist teacher on this earth or in the universe, so why the sense of hopelessness if he is not realised? There are several real great masters alive today.
I, and many others, never said DL abused a child publicly at all. Don’t put words (or tongues ha ha h) in our mouths! What many said, and is true, is that he clearly breached the boy’s boundaries and right to say NO, and insisted three time the boy make oral contact with him, when the boy CLEARLY and physically did not want to do so and PULLED AWAY from him three times. That is clear and undisputed. The fact that he did that in front of hundreds of others making the presure and humiliation for the Indian (not Tibetan) boy made that even worse. And also shows how much the boy did not want it, as it is not easy to withstand that kind of public pressure in that situation. So, that is why it was highly inappropriate for any adult(lama or not) to do that to a child (he is not Tibetan nor family member ither).
In addition, I do not know if you are aware of the horrific child abusing Gelugpa monastics culture that developed in Tibet for three centuries after the Gelugpas took power there with the assistance of a violent and murderous invasion of Tibet by the Mongolian army. The Dalai Lama is a Mongolian name and they then gave him both political and spiritual power over Tibet, the first time in its history. That move and suppression of all the other main lineages (in particular Kagyu lineages and Jonang), mass destruction of monasteries, forced conversions, mass murder, forcing 10th karmapa and many other great master to flee into exile for their lives, including the 9th Panchen lama, censorship of theit texts, theft and so on, is a very dark period indeed of Tibetan history and led directly to the Chinese takeover for the last 60 years. Tibetans wanted the Gelug government kicked out too. Read more history and then you might understand why the Gelugpas with their central figurehead of DL is not so innocent, compassionate, kind or wise at all. They have continued to try and maintain that power and sense of entitled superiority in exile too. Have you ever lived there? Plus the Gelugpas/DL support eating murdered animals, which goes against the Vinaya of monastics and Buddha’s teachings and is a major sign of a real lack of compassion and also misleading Tibetans and others into thinking that eating slaughtered animals was permitted by Buddha.
After some consideration, I feel I should respond to your comment, which seems based on a few misunderstandings about my perspective.
To clarify:
1. I am Chinese and use a Japanese pen name because I like reading Japanese literature.
2. I have lived and conducted research in Tibetan monasteries, primarily in Amdo, which gives me at least some knowledge of both cultures.
3. I did not write the article I shared, and the viewpoints expressed in it do not represent my own. My intention was simply to share another perspective, which seems to have been met with strong opposition from you.
4. If you wish to engage in a rebuttal, I encourage you to direct your comments to the original author, who is an anthropologist researching Sino-Tibetan relations at a well-respected university in the U.S.
Nonetheless, I’d like to share some personal thoughts about your argument.
I think that even a fully realized Bodhisattva may not understand all cultural forms and customs. However, it should indeed be a Bodhisattva’s aspiration to learn about diverse languages and cultures to communicate effectively with people from various backgrounds. While I understand your criticism of the Dalai Lama for not meeting modern (and often Eurocentric) expectations of social etiquette, I think it’s unfair to interpret his actions regarding the boy as having malicious or erotic intent.
In my view, the individuals involved come from different cultural backgrounds, each with their own expectations that don’t always align. I agree that the boy shouldn’t have to reject physical contact multiple times when he clearly didn’t want it; he deserves to be treated with respect and consideration for his feelings and customs. While the Dalai Lama’s actions may have crossed the boy’s perceived boundaries, it’s very unlikely that he had any sexual intentions, especially in a public setting.
I won’t comment on the agendas of the CCP. I trust that discerning readers can recognize the motivations and truth behind political narratives from both sides. As a Chinese person, I try to think critically about Sino-Tibetan history to promote a more harmonious future, rather than laying blame on any one party.
I agree on promoting the bodily autonomy of women and children in our time. However, pushing a mature culture to abandon long-standing traditions can be quite difficult and may come across as condescending. This can lead to reactions like, “Who are you to tell us what to do? What makes your standards superior?” Are you to take away Tibetans’ autonomy in the name of “cultural development and progress”? On what basis do you advocate for modern values and practices? I can imagine that people wondering these things may also take offense at criticisms aimed at the Dalai Lama.
One last suggestion: if you haven’t already, please avoid using AI to translate your articles into Chinese. The current translations on your website often appear inaccurate and faulty. Having better translations will make your work look more professional and reliable.
Just a quick response. If a long standing tradition of any country is treating women and children as inferior spiritually, culturally or bodily etc. that’s not culture that is just sexist patriarchy calling itself culture. Ever considered that? Some cultural traditions are backwards and unethical and need improving and reforming.
As for the Dalai Lama institution and Gelugpa sectarianism, people can say what they want about people like me who have studied the history outside the mainstream Gelug sectarian narrative. The facts are clear, they destroyed, censored, suppressed and focibly converted the main Tibetan Buddhist lineages for many years after they violently took power. They killed the Tibetan King of Tsang and tried to murder 10th karmapa. They destroyed Drugpa Kagyu and Jonang monasteries. They stole their texts and sealed them up and forbade people from studying them. The facts are there to be seen historically and now. Why does Bhutan have no gelug presence or Dalai Lama visits? How was Bhutan founded and by whom? Instead of easily taking offence, study the history more.
As for your last suggestion, you make a rather gross (and false) assumption. The Chinese translations are not done by AI at all, I am not so stupid to think AI could produce a good translation. they might assist with translation, but the translations always need checking by someone proficient in the language. The Chinese translations on the website are done by a native Chinese speaker. Why don’t you be more specific as to what is “Inaccurate and faulty” in them? Then I can forward that to the Chinese translator who did it.
Please do not respond here. I will not publish it and don’t have much time to engage in online debate about it, and nor do I want to. I would rather (as you can see by my website) focus most of my time and energy on producing original research, articles and translations for the benefit of beings and the teachings.
Evidently, you are a self-righteous person. You hardly see the relationship and difference between religious and secular issues with rational eyes (perhaps because of your lack of knowledge and training). Your attempts to cover up an obvious mistake made by a religious leader in every way possible are very unwise and stupid! A true Buddhist would face the problem head on and admit the mistake, not just cover it up. Of course, you may be proud of being a Tibetan and defy criticism from all non-Tibetans. I just want to say that you are really embarrassing Tibetans!
Sister, you actually have a lot of data to prove many Buddhist masters are actually not like Buddha. I appreciate your hard work and they way you want to project the so called rimpoches in your own terms. But all these Tibetan (don’t say Bhutanese, none of them you mentioned are Bhutanese) lamas are human beings and have hormones, so they behave. You can’t expect a modern rimpoche to be so well behaved like the enlightened Siddartha, I insist enlightened. I also really appreciate your total belief on Vajrayana Buddhism, which is one of the swiftest way to enlightenment but thoroughly misused by many self declared or relative supported lamas because there is way in this practice to get away after doing things that are non-Buddhaly. In this practice sex intercourse maybe used as a tool to pass the teaching from master to students. So, your view about how a monk should behave is not even valid. Take my advice, follow what they do if you can otherwise walk away. You have the choice. Don’t get entangled into this Tibetan business, you will be dead before you understand what’s happening because it’s very complicated. Tibetans lost their land to China since they were too complicated – lost in between Buddhism and enjoyment. Good luck.
Thanks for your unsolicited advice and kind comments. I did not say they were Bhutanese, I said they are based in Bhutan like Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche and Rabjam Rinpoche. Sangye Nyenpa is Bhutanese though.
No disrespect, but I have no idea who you are, and have never met you. Therefore, you are in no position to advise or teach me at all on Vajrayana. As for my being lucky I am not ‘dead’ well we all have to face death at some time that is inevitable, however, I am still alive and have one of the most widely read, prolific, authentic websites on Buddhist Mahayana and Vajrayana in the world today.
Je Atisha said that monastics should not even take the second or third empowerment in highest yoga tantra union practices. So are you saying he was wrong about that? Monks and nuns are not supposed to even visualise it never mind doing it with an actual one unless they are highly realised yogi etc. which is about 0.1 percent of them. June Campbell also exposed Kalu Rinpoche for what he did to her and other women, she is still alive after sharing her experience and warnings.
You say Tibet lost their country to China due to pleasure, that is very simplistic and one-sided and does not adequately explain why and the causes and conditions that led up to it which all point to the brute and violent mongolia-Gelug foreign takeover of Tibet and authoritatian sectarian and oppressive rule there that lasted for three centuries until they were brutally and humiliatingly kicked out too, as the Mongolian-Gelug alliance had done to thousands of Tibetans before, such as the 10th karmapa and the King of Tsang. The Dalai Lamas were also the one who gave the Chinese Qing dynasty greater powers to manage Tibet and that is what gave China the authority to say that since that time they have been Tibet’s rulers too.
You also mention being lost in pleasure as a reason, well, yes there has been a major misuse of Tantras, in particular, the mass Kalacakra empowerments given by the Gelug Panchen Lama and Dalai Lamas. However, another main reason no doubt is the Gelugs and Tibetan habit of eating slaughtered animals for pleasure and health. this is directly contrary to the Buddha’s teaching on it, breaches the five main precepts and also the Vinaya rules for monastics. If any cause that also led to such a dire state in Tibet right now, that surely must have been a karmic condition, as Tibetans claims to be ardent Buddhists after all. May I kindly suggest you study Tibetan history more and save your advice for yourself. Good luck.
So yes, it is complicated, but not in the simplistic reasons you have given here. Normally i would delete such comments on the website, buts as others may no doub t think the same thing, I thought it good to correct such wrong ideas.
If Lord Siddhartha became a Buddha without using tantric sex, than can’t we, as well?